Every woman believes she is a Princess and as a Princess, the female lover desires her Prince Charming to fight for her. “Take me away with you my darling!” (Song of Solomon 8:14.) Part of the act of lovemaking is the thrill of the chase, the thrill of feeling conquered and the orgasmic thrill of being physically, emotionally and psychologically taken away.
Hidden deep within the heart of a woman the Lord placed a God-given need to feel protected. The female heart is so very precious to God because the female is the lover who cuddles, who nurtures, who shares her love freely with her baby, her children and with her mate. Women are inherently the lovers. One of the female’s fullest expressions of her love will come forth in the bedroom through her physical and sensual nakedness. If she feels protected she will give her all to her lover. She will let down her guard and fully receive him with such intense passion that her lover will be shocked that his woman could be so real and vulnerable with him. This kind of lovemaking is a gift.
Far too often in today’s world women enter sexual relationships with mountains of emotional baggage. They want to love deep but they’ve been wounded from abuse. Their hearts need to be healed. The man must make her feel safe before she can open up. Her uneasiness is that she will be cast aside again. This is a dilemma but can be overcome, but when birth control enters the bedroom it complicates the lovemaking. The motivation behind using it the a threat of a pregnancy the couple is convinced they don’t want but this turning to it indicates that the female’s contribution is harmful. This indicator alerts her sub conscience mind that it is not safe to come forth in her sexual freedom because there is a chance of being cast aside again.
THE PRINCE IS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIS PRINCESS AND COVER HER NAKED HEART WITH HIS LOVE
In God’s word sex is about security. The ultimate expression of love a man could have for a women is expressed in his commitment to stay with her and create a family with her. This communicates his deepest love for her. When she has his heart, he will be expressing commitment. “I will never leave you nor forsake you because I am in love with you and I am committed to our union.” Women need to know this and feel it. If every time he goes to be with her he covers himself with a condom, his action will speak louder than words. Even if his reason is to prevent them from another pregnancy, the act of engaging in birth control reflects that something is not quite as good as it could be. He desires the act of sex while she desires the longterm commitment. Engaging in birth control communicates the underlying theme of incomplete oneness.
If she has been abused in previous relationships she will not know how to express what she is feeling and instead will simply shut down. There is no way she will be confident enough to let her guard down to trust again. Because of her history of abuse they will not see breakthrough unless he can consistently communicate his deep love and commitment. To feel secure the woman needs to continually know that he wants to build a life with her but the subliminal messages that birth control sends causes her to question his intentions. In a birth control using society nothing demonstrates long term commitment to a woman more than by not using protection. When a male does this it demonstrates the height of his vulnerability.
WHEN THE PRINCE FALLS OFF HIS HORSE
In the fairytale the Princess needs to know that her Prince is willing to defend her. When a woman is talked into using something to prevent the couple from having more children or when she is talked into getting her tubes tied, she cannot help but feel her sense of loss. Even when it is for her health, deep inside women know they have love to give to children and have a need to express themselves through family. Not every woman is in touch with her deep heartfelt thoughts and feelings but unspoken messages that communicate rejection will be very damaging to their bedroom experience.
She’ll ask herself, “Where was my Prince, why didn’t he stop us and look after my rights to bear his children? She will conclude, “He doesn’t really care about me!” In her mind it will feel like he conquered her, used her and threw her away. In theory, she may have agreed with her lover’s reasons for limiting themselves but later it turns to sorrow. God’s word warns this is a difficult decision to live with because, “The barren womb is never satisfied” (Proverbs 30:16). A man may think he is getting off easy by not having another child with his lover, but he will pay.
In marriage her womb is his womb, so when her womb is longing but empty, their relationship will be affected. When a decision is made to end their fertility before it ends naturally most women will remain sad about the finality of the choice and will fall into patterns of insecurity. She’ll grieve for the babies that might have been especially when she compares herself to another woman of equal age but who appears to be happier with her family size. In comparison, she’ll look at her life with her lover and feel inadequate, inferior or jealous. In those moments she might feel inferior and unequal to this other woman and as feelings of inferiority surface her thoughts and her emotions will get the best of her. Women can’t help it, we are very temperamental creatures! Regretful thoughts and depression could set because the woman is holding emotional resentments against her spouse.
She’ll contemplate, “He does not want to make a baby with me and he is through with that part of me, so what reason do I have to continue satisfying him or allow myself to be aroused by him? As time passes she looses interest, gets busy at work and with the children’s activities and her girlfriends. They may still be having sex but their deep intimate times substantially decrease.
She no longer feels safe because she is not only feeling unprotected but she is also not feeling in control. So in areas where she can be in charge new behaviors surface. She might pour herself into work seeking promotions or she might indulge in materialism constantly wanting more in comparison to her friends. She might start working out and desire plastic surgery, trying to recapture her youthful glow. All these things on the surface are aimed at helping her feel good inside again. The pain of disallowing the inherent role of the woman to love and to be loved is the real reason behind every other motivation.
A 2010 study revealed the most unhappy women in society are women from the age of 45-64 yr. old, interesting that this is also the time when childbearing disappears. During these years, it is critical for the mental health of a woman to know her Prince still wants her, still loves her and if they could he would still reproduce with her!
When the couple used birth control their entire marriage and then got fixed ending their fertility, emotional and physical separations may be why the rise of divorce in this age group is at its highest during these years. Could these be clues about why the generation who used birth control all divorced each other? For thousands of years birth control and sterilization were not part of marriage and for thousands of years the divorce rate was practically zero.
(*Excerpt from Birthing God’s Mighty Warriors by Rachel Scott)