Unlocking the Mystery of Christian Divorce Part 2
Have you ever read any articles or books talking about the consequences of birth control use or sterilization on a marriage? In our 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have never read anything, anywhere that says that birth control use could harmfully affect a relationship. Every marriage course we’ve ever taken and every marriage book we’ve ever read approached marriage with the assumption that birth control was a non-issue, acting as if problems resulting from its use or from sterilization did not exist. Maybe this is because we have been so engrossed in our birth control culture that we don’t realize how much birth control has affected marriages and the family. Whatever the cause, historical data reveals marital failure rose sharply in the 1960s and 1970s, at the same time church goers started using contraceptives. I find it very interesting with the high rate of divorce amongst believers that this fact has been completely ignored in contemporary religious circles.
Problems do arise from birth control and sterilization. Both create physical and emotional barriers which communicate “REJECTION.” Even though the couple is lovemaking, the subtle shutting off of our lover’s reproductive capabilities does makes a statement. When sex organs become objects of rejection it is not what God intended.
God did not create birth control, man did. The Lord did not bring Eve to Adam and toss Adam a box of Trojan condoms. HE simply didn’t! Sex created by God is hot, steamy, passionate! It is thrilling and beautiful. God’s sex is naked, unashamed and without fear of any kind. The lovers who do not use birth control communicate a sub conscience message of complete acceptance: “I love everything about you and I am committed to you. I am not afraid. I want to be with you and I am willing to become ONE with you.”
On the other hand, the first time the lovers use contraceptives to shield themselves from each other they communicate, a different sub conscience message: “I am trying to love you and I’m hopeful but I’m still not completely sure about us and my total commitment to you, so let’s not complicate things by bringing children into our relationship.” Imagine countless lovers communicating this to each other often from their very first sexual moments together and then they to try build a relationship of mutual agreements and can’t figure out why it seems so difficult. Protected sex is what we have come to believe as normal, but it is not natural or correct! God dedicated an entire book of His word to show us His idea of how lovers should approach sex.
Sex God’s way is beautiful, as passionate as can be and without birth control! Simply read the Song of Solomon.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. I belong to my lover … Oh how beautiful you are my darling … Your breasts are like two fawns. … His left arm is under my head and his right hand embraces me. … My lover is mine and I am his. … Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits … open to me, my darling … my breast are like towers … my vineyard is mine to give” (1:1, 2:16, 1:15, 4:5, 2:6, 1:16, 7:10, 8:10, 8:12).
Listen to the lover’s passion, the panting, the excitement. Their love is both physically and psychologically satisfying. In the midst of the act the Bible is describing, notice that the Song of Solomon does not break for a birth control announcement:
“Her lover paused if only for a moment while he tenderly and gingerly placed the condom onto his penis…”
“She momentarily left her lover’s side while she ran to the next room to insert her diaphragm…”
“She was joyful and had no fear of reprisal from her lover’s fruits, for the pill was her birth control of choice and she trusted that it would keep her lover’s sperm from impregnating her…”
I guess the Bible forgot to add those details about using birth control!
Instead the Song of Solomon gives us a graphic illustration of sex the way God says it should be. The lovers are hopeful, anticipating successful and fully embracing the love the other one could give! They are in search of oneness, they do not talk of needing to protect themselves from each other! They talk like lovesick lovers, “Open up to me my darling”, “Come into my garden and taste of my fruits”, “I am my beloved and my beloved is mine!”
God says, “Let your lover in!” Let him fully embrace every part of you while you completely embrace every part of him without feeling afraid, without hesitation of the gift of your heart. “… Place ME like a seal over YOUR heart, my darling.” (Song of Solomon 8:6) Embrace me, accept me, love me! This is what true intimacy says. It is a total and complete embracing of your lover’s heart, soul, spirit and body. “I completely love ALL of you and you completely love all of me, forever. Because of our love “we can cling to each other in sickness and in health, whether large family or small, through riches or lack till death when we part.”
This passion the Bible describes is far from the sex lives today’s couples experience. We’ve been told over and over by secular educators that removing the threat of our unwanted child will increase our pleasure, but where are the two naked lovers clinging passionately and unashamedly to each other? People say all is well with their sex lives but if this is true then how come almost 50% of Christian marriages have ended in divorce since birth control and sterilization became acceptable, might we dare consider birth control as the probable destroyer of true marital intimacy? (*Excerpt from Birthing God’s Mighty Warriors by Rachel Scott)